Monty Python and the New Job
by Lazarus de Medci IV
Summary: The REAL story of how Monty Python came to be. I've been writing this one for quite awhile


AHEM! This is the story is about a man who is looking for a job. This man just so happens to be my father's only sisters only brother's father's grandson's uncle's nephew's sister's uncle's niece's brother's friend. In short, It happens to be a friend on mine. Well, first he tried to be a chef, here's how it went:  
  
This friend of my sister's brother's father's son's... Oh, forget it! Anyhow, this friend of mine, whose name incedentaly is Montahue P., applied for the job. Here is how it went: ...Hey! It's Deja-Vu all over again! Oh anyhow, he walked into the Cafe' Duchamp.   
  
"Say," said Montahue "Is this named after..."  
  
"Marcel Duchamp" said the owner  
  
"Oh," Replied Montahue "I thought it was named after Duchamp the Mauler!"  
  
"Hrmm..." said the chef "I have never heard of him!"  
  
"Oh yes you have" says Montahue  
  
"I have?" Says the owner puzzled  
  
"Of course, I just told you about him!"  
  
Well, At this point, Montahue was lucky to still be in the restraunt, because the head chef positively WORSHIPED Marcel Duchamp. ANYHOWT hey did the interview.  
  
"Have you any prior experience?" Asked the owner  
  
"Yes," he said "In foodworks, you mean?"  
  
"Yes," said the owner "Proceed."  
  
"Well," he said "i have a LOT of experience, in fact, i have eaten over 30,000 meals!"  
  
"Cooking the meals professionally" added the owner  
  
He thought back... back... back... his head hurt from looking so far back, but he simply had to remember what happened yesterday! then it hit him "YES! I DO!"  
  
"What was it?" asked the owner edgily  
  
"It was yesterday, i fixed myself an extravagant dinner!"  
  
"of what?" asked the owner  
  
"Swiss and liverwurst on rye!"  
  
The owner looked rather disappointed "Is that your best?"  
  
"You bet!" he said "So, Do i have the job?"  
  
"NO!" he yelled, and in a flash, he was out of the restaurant  
  
Well, The story goes on, and montahue tried to be an actor, here is how that went:  
  
Montahue walked in, and they suited him up in a knight's outfit, and put him onstage.  
  
"Now," said a talent scout in the front row "you are to desheath your sword, and then say the lines in a deep voice"  
  
So, he desheathed his sword, but could not hold it up! so then they gave him an aluminum one. But he could not control it, so they gave him a wooden one.  
  
"The dragon has been slain, but alas, the damsel could not be saved" Montahue said in a subpassive tone  
  
"NO!" said the director "This is supposed to be SAD!"  
  
"The dragon has been SLAIN, but alas *sob* the damsel *snivel* could not be saved!!!!!! WAAAAAAAAHHH!!!" he shouted  
  
"NO, NO!" said the director "Not THAT sad, I mean, even Shakespeare had happy times!"  
  
"*Whistles* That thar dragon dun be slain, but hey, the damsel couldn't be saved, but I cheer up, and I put on a happy face..."  
  
"NO, NO, NO!" shouted the director "You're doing it WAY to fast!"  
  
"TTTTTHHHHHEEEEEE DDDDDRRRRRRAAAAAGGGGGOOOOONNN... ... ..." started Montahue  
  
"NO, NO, NO, NO!" Shouted the director "Before you even START, do NOT do it that slow! This is your last chance chump!"  
  
"Thedragonhasbeenslain,butalasthedamselcouldnotbesaved" hasted Montahue  
  
"OUT OF MY SIGHT, YOU PIG! YOU SWINE! I FART IN YOUR GENERAL DIRECTION!" shouted the director, and Montahue was chased clear off the stage.  
  
After 2 more days of searching, my good friend montahue thought he would never find a job. But then, a group of rabid british comedians headed by a man named John, found him.  
  
"Hello. Is your life funny?" asked John  
  
"Funny, the way it kicks me in the behind" said Montahue  
  
"What was the last thing anyone said to you?" he asked  
  
"YOU PIG! YOU SWINE! I FART IN YOUR GENERAL DIRECTION!" repeated montahue  
  
John and the comedians huddled, and then John spun around and shouted "GET HIM!"  
  
Well, as the story continues, they took Montahue to a dungeon, where they stole his material, his name, and his pink and purple polka dotted boxer shorts. They threw him in the dungeon to write funny stuff for about a gazillioin years. This is also, coincidentally the REAL story of how Monty Python came to be. But on the bright hand, Montahue did get a job in the end. Minimum wage though, he pays them $84.52 an hour.  
  
The end.  
  
Isn't it?  
  
Yes, I think so  
  
Okay, lets try it again.  
  
The end.  
  
There I did it!  
  
Oh yes, ummm...  
  
The end...  
  
For real this time  
  
Honest!  
  
This is it;  
  
The end.  



End file.
